Drama

So I wrote this a few days ago and have been sitting on it.  Debating on whether or not I should post it.  I'm afraid posting it could cause more drama.  But I feel like sometimes the real stuff needs to be put out there.  I want my girls to see me make my mistakes and learn from them.  I want them to see that I know I'm not perfect and I don't expect that of them either.  So here it is.  And I'm going to learn from it.  

UGH!  Girls and drama.  Seriously.  I've been dealing with it lately, and I'm not a fan.  I had the weirdest dreams last night and seriously restless sleep over all of this.  Thought maybe if I got it down then I'd feel better??

I don't even know where to begin.

So for my own sanity I like to hang out with my friends away from the kids and husband.  I try to do it about once a week, and sometimes when I'm really lucky twice a week.  Usually it's a Tuesday night for shows (like biggest loser or so you think you can dance) or dinner on a Saturday night.  Granted none of that would be possible it it weren't for such an awesome partner/husband.  He's really good about letting me go do these things knowing I need time out, I recognize that it's a luxury and not everyone has the opportunities like I do.  But here is the thing, I know not everyone is like me.  Their brains don't function that way and maybe they don't need the space.  I try not to judge.  Do what's best for you and your family.  As long as everyone is happy, that's what counts right?  Ok.  With that being said... don't judge me either.  Don't make me feel like a bad mama because I need some time away from my babies.  I'm doing the best I can and it's hard being a mama 24/7.  My two closest friends are so good to me and understand my situation even though they aren't in the same place in life as me.  They are really accommodating and I think it's because I've made the effort to maintain a small social life with them.  It's not what it used to be but it's the best I can do right now, and they totally get that.

Back in the day it was just Charlie and myself so I got to hang out with my friends a lot more often.  Like 3-4 times a week. Then I got pregnant with Natalia and life was going to change. One friend, let's call her Dee for the purpose of this blog post.  She made some off hand comment at the time about how she was afraid that once my baby came it was going to turn into all baby all the time for me.  That I would either disappear or always bring my baby around, blah blah blah and more that I can't remember now.  She made me feel awful to say the least. I thought I had done so well making sure I hung out even though I was married and other friends around us who had recently gotten married had dropped off the face of the earth.  I knew life was going to change but I also was willing to try to make it work.  Anyway, I ended up writing this big old long email to the girls trying to defend myself and making sure that they didn't all feel that way.  It worked out, Natalia came along and I managed to come up with this Tue/Sat thing that has worked out since.

Fast forward a couple of years.  Amy is in Alaska, and I'm hanging out with Cheryl and Dee mostly.  Neither are married, neither have kids, but it's ok.  Then Dee meets this guy and she disappears off the face of the planet.  We give her a hard time about it only because we miss her and think it's odd she would change her tune so easily.  She comes up with excuse after excuse, and it always revolves around school.  She would say she had a lot of homework/tests etc.  But we knew she was just hanging out with this guy.  It would seriously be a couple months that would go by before we would hear from her or see her again. Christmas breaks would come and go and we wouldn't hear from her the entire month she was out of school.  So we just knew she wanted to see this guy more then us.  In the mean time they end up engaged and getting married pretty quickly.  He has two teenage kids from a previous marriage that he shares custody with.  So now her excuses not only involve school but that she wants to spend time with the boys at home because they have them that particular weekend. We finally gave up trying to get her to come hang out with us when we realized she just wasn't interested.   In my mind I'm thinking why can't she spend an hour or two once a month to go to dinner with us when I've managed to do it and I've got my young kids at home full time.  I'm sure those boys wouldn't mind a night with just their dad once and a while right?  But oh well it's really not my place to say.  She graduates from school and still no contact except maybe once every 2-3 months.  So with the excuse of being busy with school gone who knows what's going on.

I can't remember the last time she actually hung out with us prior to Amy's wedding in September.  It had definitely been a good 2-3 months.   In the mean time I had announced my pregnancy.  Not one word from Dee, not a congrats, nothing. I was a little hurt by it.  But I am starting to accept the fact that we just aren't present in each other's lives.  I had no idea what was going on with her just as much as she had no idea what was going on here.  Then it was time for Amy's bachelorette party.  She actually came to the party (which we were seriously shocked she did) and she finally says, "oh by the way congrats" ok then.  Night goes well as I've already talked about.  Amy gets married and Dee is there with her husband and his boys.  I don't think we said more then two words to each other the entire night because I was busy with bridesmaid duties.  Anyway, Amy used the same photographer as Dee did.  Amy had a list of photographers who were all booked and all suggested this other guy.  So with Dee's recommendation and these other photographers suggestions she went with it.  When she had said she wanted to do some pictures downtown he suggested going to the capital because he loved photographing couples there.  So she just goes with the flow and is happy, in love, about to marry her best friend.

A few weeks go by.  Again haven't heard or seen Dee since the wedding.  No surprise there.  Meh whatever right?  Then Amy gets four pictures from her photographer as her sneak peaks.  Two of them just happen to be down at the capital and are in "similar" spots/poses as ones that Dee took on her wedding day.  Dee FLIPS out.  She goes on a rampage and starts attacking Amy via text message.  She's demanding an apology from Amy for copying her, for not asking her permission for using that spot, for not giving her a heads up etc.  Amy is beyond frustrated. She only did what her photographer told her to do.  She had no idea those particular poses were going to be so similar to Dee's, she was in the moment with Ryan.  Not to mention it's only 2 pictures and she hadn't even seen the rest of her pictures.  She tries defending herself.  Dee gets more upset with Amy for not just apologizing and for defending herself.  Photographers use the same locations all the time, they are comfortable and know the lighting so they reuse them.  For some reason Dee wouldn't accept that.  She accused Amy of ruining her own wedding pictures and making them less special.  She claimed going to the capital was her idea and Amy stole it.  Although if you go to this photographer's website he's used the capital numerous times and none of the pictures he has posted there are of Dee and her husband.  At that point Amy stops communicating with Dee because she realizes they will never see each other's side and it was just going to cause more anger between them.  So Amy decides to start blocking Dee from seeing any of her pictures on Facebook so that when her wedding pictures went up it wouldn't cause more tension.  She also decides to block a lot of her personal stuff to just to be safe.

Here's where I jump in and get petty.  I'm sorry.  I'm pregnant, hormonal, emotional.  I don't want someone attacking me for my pictures or accusing me of anything.  90% of what I post is my babies and I'm not about to have her judge me or accuse me of something based on pictures of my loves. So what do I do?  I block Dee from seeing my pictures on Facebook.  I figure she's really not a part of my life anymore and probably wouldn't even notice anyway.  It was for my own personal feelings more then anything else.  I know I know it was stupid, but it's done.  Well, then I posted that, "its a brother picture" on Facebook.  She somehow found out that I had done that and that she couldn't see it.  All hell broke loose.  I got a nasty message from her on Facebook about it.   I had all sorts of things I wanted to say and all sorts of things to defend myself.  I chose to just not respond.  (might I add that this was when we had croup going on with both girls so I wasn't sleeping and had a lot going on here at home so going back and forth in messages on Facebook was the last thing I wanted to do) I figured what happened between she and Amy with the back and forth would happen here and we wouldn't get anywhere.  I figured that maybe once she calmed down and we could possibly discuss this in person instead of via messages on Facebook I could explain my side.  HA!  Not even.  She flipped out again.  This time deleting myself and Amy from Facebook and completely blocking us from even contacting her.  She also blocked a couple of mutual friends of ours as well even though they had nothing to do with the situation.  Cheryl in the mean time has tried to stay neutral and stay out of all the drama.  Good for her right?  Dee asks Cheryl to go to lunch randomly.  HA!  If not for this drama I'm sure this lunch wouldn't have even been a thought.  Cheryl agrees to it as long as she's left out of the drama and they just catch up on everything else.  Low and behold Dee just has to bring up the drama at lunch.  Cheryl tells her flat out she's on Amy's side with the picture situation and that is the most she will discuss the drama.  They end up having a good time hanging out and catching up.  Good for them.  Now it'll be interesting to see how long Dee goes until she finally contacts Cheryl again for a lunch.  Especially now that all this has happened we won't be inviting her to any of our group things like birthdays anymore etc.

Thing is I'm just so done with the friendship. But really it wasn't much of a friendship anymore anyway. Because I'm pregnant and emotional I'm definitely letting this whole situation get to me more then if I weren't. I feel badly for the way it ended.   I hated the way she made me feel all those years ago but then turned into a hypocrite about it.  But now I feel like the hypocrite for being all judgy about her not hanging out anymore. I think that's what had me tossing the most last night.  I just don't want to be like that.  I really try to just be a nice person to everyone and this behavior really wasn't me.  Damn hormones.  

Oh well.

Time to focus on the good things in my life right?  Be grateful for the good friends I do have who don't make me feel bad for my life choices.  Be grateful for my beautiful family and for the amazing little guy growing in my belly.  Gotta do right by them.