11/12 Weeks

Last week at 11 weeks 1 day I heard the heartbeat on my Doppler here at home for the first time!  I'd been trying off and on for a couple of weeks, but had yet to hear it at home.  What an amazing thing to hear! Other then hearing my kiddos say mama for the first time, I love you for the first time, or hearing them cry for the first time after birth, it's one of my favorite sounds.  It's just such a relief to hear it, and to be able to check in now and then while I wait to feel movement.

Still nauseous.  Ugh.  It's definitely gotten better because it's not all the time, but I'm just ready for this part to be over.  I want to enjoy all my food again!

I'm still exhausted like no other.

Today was a bad day.  I was just OFF all day long.  Dizzy, nauseous, exhausted.  I was also in quite the sour mood because I'm just so over this phase.  I'm sick of being sick and lazy.  I hate that I have just let the house go and that the girls watch way too much TV right now.  Charlie had to do everything today, and I mean everything.  I tried to help and do dishes yesterday and ran for the bathroom dry heaving over one little dish smell.  UGH!  So here I am feeling useless, the worst mother/wife in the world.  Then I get a call from my mom and I think oh sh*t I forgot to call my grandma and tell her we weren't coming today.  So she laid the guilt trip on pretty thick about how my grandma works so hard to cook, how she isn't in the best health etc.  Yeah talk about feeling bad.  So then I just start bawling.  I mean uncontrollable sobbing.  Of course she starts crying too and talking about how hard this move has been, how much she misses the grand babies, and how sad/scared she is about missing out on this baby.  Which of course made me cry harder because that has been one of the hardest things for me, being pregnant without my mama around.  When I saw the counselor one of the main things we talked about was my struggle with my mom being absent for this babies birth and for this babies life (I wasn't pregnant then but knew eventually I would be).  So yeah I just had a really good cry with my mom about all of it.  And you know what?  It actually helped.  I think I just needed to cry some.  I managed to make the girls and myself dinner after that and get them to bed, all without losing my cool and I snuggled them extra tight tonight.  (Charlie was at a friends house and totally deserved a night out away from us crazies)  =)

I'm really looking forward to the second trimester and know I'm on the cusp of it.  I just need to power through the next week or so.

Baby is about the size of a lime right now.  I've got the small gut going, and swear I had more of a gut at 12 weeks with Lydia.

First BSU game was Sat 8/31. Got to bust out my Future Bronco shirt, which I was super happy about.  Even if there isn't much there to fill out the shirt right now.  Not so happy with the way the Broncos played though!!