38 Weeks

So on Thursday I had my 38 week appointment with the doctor.  She did my cervical check and confirmed he's still head down, still only 3cm, and she offered to strip my membranes.  I had gone into the appointment hoping she would so I was happy she offered.  She didn't think I'd make it through the weekend and when I told her I went into labor the same night she did that with Lydia she said she wouldn't be surprised if it happened again.  She wanted me to make an appointment for 39 weeks but said she would be SHOCKED if she saw me again.

And then of course I went into labor that night!  I was determined to stay home as long as i could.  My contractions started about 6-7 min apart. So I paced around downstairs, rocked back and forth, sat on the exercise ball all while watching TV for a long time.  They got down to 4 minutes apart so I decided to go and wake charlie around midnight (I had sent him to bed right after the girls went down since he didn't sleep much the night before because of Natalia).  He got up and showered etc.  We got to hospital around 1:00am, and the nurse said I was at a 4cm.  She had us walk the halls for an hour to see if I would progress more.  Can I tell you how much I HATE walking those halls. Just when I think I've done enough at home to not have to walk them, I still had to do it. GRRR. We kept passing the nursery and there was one teeny baby in there and it made my heart ache that it wasn't our baby and I was still stuck in all this pain! Anyway, she checked me again and said I was just barely over 4cm.  At that point the monitors aren't picking up strong contractions.  So we were given the option of walking for another hour, trying the jetted tub, or just going home and trying to get some rest.  At that point my hips and back were killing me and the thought of doing anything but sleeping was driving me crazy.  So we decided to go home and I actually fell asleep from about 3:15am-5:30am.  I woke up to some super strong contractions.  They were getting pretty painful and so I figured if I laid there long enough they would get strong enough for us to go back in.  Finally around 7:00am I woke Charlie up and said we should get ready to head back in.  While he was eating breakfast I laid back down and fell back asleep.  (From like 8am-10am)  And what do you know, the contractions were all but gone.  I had a few more during the day but nothing as strong/intense as the night.  I was so sad and frustrated that day, I felt like I'd wasted everyone's time.

Thankfully Charlie stayed home with us that day and I just rested and relaxed.  I tried to get my mind off of it all.  It did occur to me that if I answered yes to the epidural question in triage they probably would have kept me and had me get it and started pitocin to get me to progress more.  Since technically I had progressed from a 3cm-4cm between that afternoon and that night at the hospital.  But since I want to do it without drugs I need to progress on my own so I just have to tough it out and be home.

I can't even begin to describe how hard emotionally and physically the last couple of days have been on me.  I'm supposed to be holding my little boy now.  It's not fair that my poor body went through all that, and now I'm going to just have to do it again.  What if it happens and it's all for nothing again? I hate that with every few contractions I start to get my hopes up that maybe it's beginning again.  I'm sad.  I know I know, realistically my due date isn't for another week and a half.  Trust me I hear it from everyone.  But my body hurts, the pressure on my pubic bone is intense, my hips feel like they are about to break in half.  And more then anything I just want to snuggle my little man.

38 week belly.  It's soooo low.

This finally came in the mail!!!   I wanted to get something fun for his newborn pictures and thought this fit perfectly since daddy is such a huge Star Wars  fan.  I even packed the little hat in our hospital bags because it's so cute and I can't wait to see it on him.  I have an adorable BSU hat that will probably be what he actually comes home in though. 

 Our dear friends Alex and Meghan sent us this (they live just outside Seattle).  It was a nice and happy surprise.  They were due with their own little man last week and were actually induced this morning.  Still waiting to hear news.  Because  she went over due and I tend to go early we were all hoping they would come at the same time and share a birthday... doesn't look like that'll be happening now.  =(

Today I've even had a few periods of time were I had contractions coming every 9 minutes.  I went to the gym during nap time and walked for almost an hour and a half (distracted by the movie) hoping that maybe I could get the contractions to progress more.  HA!  I can't stay pregnant forever but I can hope and wish that he'll come sooner rather then later.