It's the day before my baby turns one. ONE!
The last couple of weeks I've been an emotional wreck. Thinking of my baby being one is just so hard for me to grasp. I shed a few tears when his first birthday sneak peak was posted on Facebook. Man alive is he cute. I love that little boy oh so dearly, but oh man has he been hard. Don't let all those sweet chubby faced pictures fool you. This little dude has an attitude and a scream that pierces anyone's ears. So tomorrow I'll post his first birthday post and I'll gush about how sweet and adorable he is (because let's face it he really is) but today I just want to talk about how hard he's been too.
I recall struggling with sleep with Natalia and she didn't consistently sleep through the night until she was a good year and a half probably. But she was my only baby and I napped when she napped. Lydia, was a pretty good sleeper most of the time and when she struggled it was usually an easy fix. I remember being tired, but not like this. Now, this boy... he sleeps like he's a newborn to this day. I'm TIRED. I'm worn out. I can't nap because his naps are so unpredictable. Lydia's starting to phase naps out and Natalia doesn't always need quiet time. Quinton has decided that 6am is an acceptable wake up time (no matter how much sleep we've gotten the night before) and therefore is ready for nap by 9am when we have to leave to take Natalia to school. Then he's a hot mess, melt down city, while I'm trying to get girls going. UGH. I don't want him to have to sit on the floor bawling but hair has to be brushed, clothes have to be put on. Despite how good I've gotten at doing things one handed lately, those are things I need both my hands for. He usually falls asleep in the car and then it's a dilemma of letting him sleep in the car for a bit or trying to move him to the crib and getting him back to sleep. Or times when we have dance and I just have to wake him to go inside the studio. The other night he was a grumpy mess by 6:30pm so he went to bed. Then he was up at 10:30pm, 11:30pm, 2:30am, 3:30am, and by then I tried to just let him cry it out... which doesn't work on him because he has a scream that can wake the girls and I can hear him in our room downstairs without the monitor over my floor fan. yeah. So he screamed off and on and by 5am I gave up and went in there. He finally took a bottle and I thought for sure he would be worn out and sleep a couple more hours. NOPE. 6am he was up and ready for the day. UGH. I don't know if he's teething, gas, sick... i'm LOST.
Then this little guy (who's not so little, he's heavy!) goes through periods of wanting to be held non stop. I don't want to deny him of that because I realize this won't last forever and there will come a day that I will long for the days of him wanting me... but again there is only so much I can do one handed. I would carry him in the Ergo but he wants to face out and I can't face him out in that. Ugh. My back and hips ACHE from having him on my hip all the time.
We're still trying to figure out food. Some things bother his tummy, but not all the time. Something that he might have been ok with last week might bother him this week. He won't eat much at times so I'm still trying to get him to eat baby food. He suddenly likes those Gerber pouches (the ones he hated when we were in CA go figure) and doesn't really care much for the food I make. He will try most anything I give him from my plate, but it's a struggle to get him to eat more than a bite or two. He devours pizza though, so pizza is a go to around these parts ha ha. Whole milk starts up next week and I'm nervous. Finger crossed he isn't lactose intolerant. That would save us a big chunk of change!
I've never questioned myself and my abilities as a mommy as much as I have with him. At three kiddos I thought maybe I'd have more of a grasp on it, but I feel lost most of the time. I've shed my fair share of tears the last few weeks. I was really hoping that by this time (a year in with three babies) I'd feel better about the chaos and how I manage our time... but no such luck.
Again, LOVE this little bubba to pieces, but he's sealed his fate as the baby of the family. I've managed to sell quite a few of our baby items on Facebook. I get sad seeing them go, but know it's for the best. I haven't sold our extra crib yet though, hoping my cousin will get pregnant sometime soon so I can pass that on. It's a beautiful crib and I'd hate to sell it for a fraction of what it cost. One of my girlfriends is pregnant with a little boy and so I'm excited to be able to pass on a few things to her, doing that has helped me feel a little better about that. But since she will be traveling from CO-ID-CO for her baby shower I can't give her the big stuff.
I'm so sad to think I'll never be pregnant again, or feel a baby moving in my belly. I will miss those snuggly newborn moments, and I'm sad that that part of our lives is just done. I think no matter how many babies we were to have I'd always be sad over those things. BUT... I'm so happy to NEVER have to pump again. The day I get rid of that thing there will be a happy dance. Next fall Natalia will be in school all day, Lydia will be in preschool Tue/Thur mornings and Quinton will hopefully be done with morning naps. We will get to be just the two of us those mornings and it'll be awesome. We will hopefully get to hang out with Crystal those morning too seeing as Tate will be in preschool with Lydia and Cade will be in the same boat as Quinton. It means that he won't need a nap and I can hopefully start going back to the gym and put him and Lydia in the child care. I'm looking forward to the next fun phases with these three as sad as I am that we are done with the new baby phase.
Ok. Now that I've vented.
I'm hoping to get a photo dump post done soon. We'll be super busy the next few days with Quinton's birthday and his party. Now we are track break from school for Natalia, so the next three weeks we get to take it super easy (with Charlie gone to Boston for six days smack in the middle of that, which totally blows) but it'll be nice to not have to rush out the door for school when he needs that nap. So hopefully we'll be able to sneak in more fun stuff to do and get outside and enjoy the beautiful sunshine we've been getting. I see lots of zoo days in our future!
In the mean time let me leave you with his birthday pictures sneak peak... because he seriously is the cutest little dude ever.
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| He was cold and not enjoying the wide outdoors. ha ha, but that hoody was adorable and I hope she got some shots of the spikes! |
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| This is the one that had me in tears... he looks so grown up and so handsome! |
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| Baby seahawks converse... all for daddy. They are so studly and I love them |
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| I was changing him into his onesie for the cake smash and he was pretty proud of his naked tushy so we let him air it out a bit. he he he. What baby doesn't enjoy some naked time. |
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| His Disneyland onesie that represents mommy and daddy all in one. |
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| Did not enjoy the feeling of frosting on him at all! ha ha ha. Oh well it was fun to try. |
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